Since the start of time, man has sought to go fast. The first person who discovered that running away from a predator is better than walking away led this march for mankind’s need to go faster.
From then on, humans have pushed the boundaries of how far and how fast we can go. Electricity developed a better use than just electrocuting animals. The Jeantaud Duc set the land speed record in 1898 at 63.15kph using an electric engine. Then, 99 years later, some crazy blokes from England decided to break that record by over 1500km/h! Sweet stuff from swell minds, yet there lacked a human connection there. Sure these drivers went balls fast. And sure, if they crashed they would die an awesome death. And sure they are pushing the cutting edge of their technology, but each case lacked that primordial link that first pushed humans to strive for speed.
What better way to feel connected to your primal roots than to put forth a display a raw, genuflecting power. Disdained by all around for their allaroundness, the UBCTC set out to do just that: Ravage the 10.2km Iona Time trial with shear force.
Conditions were ideal for The Giant to lay down a Tour de France shattering 14:29 time; leading the way, and thus making a 5km long draft zone for the rest of the club.
Shortly thereafter, 3 engineers followed pursuit. Md R, the fizzer, and the blazing red posted a blistering sub 16:00 time. It must be noted that these individuals, minus the doctor, time trialed on road bikes, something even Spartans would herald as bold.
It seemed the men were dominating this challenge. Dylan, Kellen, Brendan, and Derrick were all part of the top 10 to finish. The male domination continued until el presidentee pounced upon the rest of the male pack with a staggering 16:48, finishing as the top female in the club.
The generally good-looking guy fell short of Kim Seder by 2 seconds, something the handsome men’s club simply will not allow. Vince has probably lost his membership to the club by now.
After all the old folks finished, the young ones took to the stage. Eddy Wu, the young maverick, just keeps getting faster. His performance is only limited to the amount of sleep he had the other night. Unfortunately, those 6 meager hours of sleep he had the other night resulted in him getting chicked by el presidentee. Next time he’ll work doubly hard to not let such an event happen again, or he’ll use physics and set the frame of reference to the moon so that he completes 10.2km in 25.2seconds, making him the fastest man alive!
Victoria Gilbert, who is also better known as “watch out, you’re going to get chicked”, rode an intergalactic, lactose intolerance inducing, lengen… wait for it –dairy pace, only 2 seconds behind the Chao-lin monk.
Some have fallen victim to the days event. Jen Moroz and Ceilidh Curtis suffered mechanical failures that inhibited them from proving their might.
Overall, the UBCTC did what they set out to do: brew up a Winstorm on a peaceful Saturday morning. Standings list the order of the outcome
Kory Seder 14:29
Matt Reeve 15:05
Barry Claman 15:45
Sherwood Plant 15:48
Dylan Stephanian 15:52
Kellen Kjera 15:54
Brendan Naef 16:05
Derrick Lee 16:16
Kim Seder 16:48
Vincent Lavallee 16:50
Tyler Filteau 16:53
Winston Guo 16:57
Eddy Wu 17:27
Jesse Chao 17:36
Victoria Gilbert 17:38
Johnson Jia 17:39
Rodrigo Samayoa 17:50
Melanie Van Soren 18:42
Rachel Schoeler 20:04
Jen Bhatla 20:10
Kywon Kim 20:53
Laura Freeman 35:22
Ceilidh Curtis DNF
Jen Moroz DNF
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